Fake News of April 2010

Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Thu, March 16, 2010 — 9:49 AM ET

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Health Bill Will Cut Deficit by $100 Billion

Over 10 Years, House Majority Leader Says, Citing Report

The proposed final health care legislation would cut the federal deficit by more than $100 billion over the first 10 years, House Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer said on Thursday, citing a finding by the Congressional Budget Office that is expected to be released on Thursday. The office found that the overhaul would cut the deficit by more than $1 trillion over the subsequent decade, Mr. Hoyer said.

The New York Times
Section: Op-Ed
Wed, March 31, 2010 — Late Edition

Divide and Diminish
By: Jasmine York, Ph. D.

This week, I want to dust off my crystal ball and make a prediction: in the future, the biggest land animals will be smaller than they are now.

Here’s why I think so. As a rule of thumb, larger animals need more food than smaller animals; they also need more space. Obviously, it takes more land to grow 100 rhinoceroses than it does to grow 100 rabbits. One hundred tigers require more land than 100 foxes. Indeed, meat-eaters, being higher in the food chain, need even more space than plant-eaters. For land mammals, every kilogram of prey supports just 9 grams of carnivore. So to feed one tiger of 180 kilos, you need 20 tonnes of prey. To support a breeding population of tigers, you need rather more. (For non-metric types, 2.2 pounds of prey feeds one third of an ounce of carnivore; a tiger weighs about 400 pounds and needs 22 tons of prey.)

When we break up rainforests or steppes, or build roads through pristine landscapes, we start to fray the fabric of nature.

When we humans burn tracts of forest, or make islands in some similar way, the immediate impacts depend on a suite of factors, including how many islands there are, how big they are, and how close they are together. It also matters what is between them. Fields may be more hospitable to wildlife than roads or water; under some circumstances, life forms may be able to flit from one fragment to another, and the “island” nature of the fragments will be reduced. Perhaps we can use such patterns to shape how we use land, to try and minimize the impact we have.

Perhaps.

Or perhaps we should stop getting mired in details, and reflect on what we know: small islands are simpler, less ecologically interesting places than big islands. When we break up rainforests or steppes, or build roads through pristine landscapes, we start to fray the fabric of nature. We may not see the full impact today, tomorrow, or next year. But we know what the long-term effects will be. By fraying nature we make the planet a simpler, duller, diminished place.

The New York Post
Section: Local News
Thu, April 01, 2010 — 9:49 AM ET

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Mauled floater in the Hudson River!

For the third month in a row another body has been pulled from a body of water, this time the Hudson River. Sources say its body was found in the same condition as the last two maulings, apparently giving very little evidence except for the appearance of being attacked by wild animals. The victim, 39-year-old Anthony Rose-Swanson, was an investment banker at Bear Stearns Companies, Inc/ JP Morgan Chase Investments, and resident of the Upper East Side. Anthony Rose member of the notably philanthropic Rose Family of New York City.

Last seen leaving his apartment on 86th street for his morning jog, Anthony was reported missing for 2 days before his body was found and identified this morning. The Rose family mourns his death, and his mother, Estelle Steadler –Rose, in an angry statement to the press stated, “That city should be ashamed for letting this insanity continue. Until then we would like to mourn our boy in peace.”

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